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30 Tongue in Cheek Phases of Writing a Book

 Phases of Writing a Book

Warning: Not every writer goes through all these stages. I’ve survived most of them, but I’m only at number 21. If I don't focus, it's easy to be derailed. 
Anyway, if you tend to have martyr tendencies, you can power through this list too! Good luck. Oh, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I'm in a jolly phase, because I see the light.

1.       Excitement( short-lived)

2.       Research--May result in  pain near frontal lobe

3.       Doubt—Sugar surges--donut cravings.

4.       Extraordinary dog walking. Fetch? Of course.

5.       Anger.Tissues and tears phase

6.       Depression/Overthinking

7.       Burning of sage

8.       Critique group jitters

9.       Bargaining/Negotiating with God

10.   The Shakes (Possibly from massive amounts of coffee)

11.   More research and napping

12.   Grammar check shock

13.   Mystic chanting and mumbling of prayers

14.   Worry. Nail biting-hair loss

15.   Editing/proofing

Small notes to remind me where I left off.

16.   Obsessive house cleaning or moving furniture around-Tub scrubbing

17.   Shopping for rope or shoes

18.   Gambling/Alcohol/Drugs

19.   Laundry/Compulsive vacuuming/ironing

20.   Gardening/Manic weed pulling

21.   Pin light at end of tunnel jollies

22.   Distribution concerns/Extra food intake

23.   Loves me—Loves me not—Beta readers

24.   Gaming, crocheting or redecorating as a distraction

25.   Marketing worries/ Fasting-diet-copious amounts of water

26.   More editing. Arguments with self, editor and characters

27.   Acceptance-Hope. Blog updating

28.   Final Draft/ Removing was and exclamation points!

29.   The query letter and Fifty shaded, mysterious steps to publishing

30.   The Cover reveal party. Hooray!

-Signed, your exhausted friend, Eve

From the Author of All of Me, Comes GUILTY of LOVE...
A novel about a writer (not) writing a novel