AND NOW THE NEWS from Owen Thomas Fiction
Dateline: San Carols Bay, Florida
OTF News reporting tonight that 1960’s television star, Flipper, has filed suit in Florida State Court against the Trump Administration and Donald J. Trump, personally, for defamation and interference with prospective economic advantage. According to a statement released Friday evening from Flipper’s counsel, the suit seeks $15 million dollars in damages and an apology from the President to all dolphin species for “using the media to impugn the natural inclinations of waterborne mammals and to sully the reputation of mankind’s most highly celebrated, perpetually smiling aquatic ally.”
Flipper, born Philip Schwartz in Pacific waters not far from San Diego, attained superstar status as Flipper, the lead in the 1964 NBC television series of the same name. Having long since retired to the Florida Gulf Coast, Flipper Schwartz has now re-emerged to demand satisfaction on behalf of dolphins everywhere. His counsel’s statement decries recent pronouncements from the President of the United States that flipping should be illegal. “Mr. Schwartz feels obligated to carry this banner,” reads the statement. “Today it is flipping. Tomorrow we will hear he has outlawed spinning. The day after that it will be illegal to float in place. Someone must put their head above water over this outrage and that someone is me.” Reached at his home late Friday, Flipper said only “Eee-eee-eee-eee” and referred all further questions to his attorneys, who are rumored to be working on a second suit to be filed later this month. Something about Twitter.